The Vagabond Diaries

1) "Do not judge the book by its cover."  (Yeah, right! Cover may not equal content but tell me; have you ever bought a book without a cover?)

2) "If something doesn’t make sense, it means it’s wrong." (Does that mean that being able to make sense out of the dumbest things makes you right?)

3) "In the ladder of success, the monkey underneath you can only see your bum and that makes you an asshole." (This answers a lot of questions. Personally, I’d rather be an asshole.)

4) "Cross Burn the bridge when you get there."  (This especially applies when you’re finally the monkey at the top of the ladder - they all see you as an asshole anyway.)

5) "Build bridges not on enemies" (Meaning: GET OVER THEM! This is what you do after #4)

6) "The best things in life are free." (What a load of crap! It’s a marketing thing. First you get hooked by the free stuff, then you buy it over and over again. Need more proof? Love is free but you spend a lot of time to keep it. If you spend anything, it’s not free then, is it? Therefore, while the best things is life are free, you know its really good when you know it’s not free and you still want to pay for it.)

7) "Less is more." (Whatever does this mean? Less is less, more is more. This quote was made-up by a very jealous, cynical, possibly poor and lazy person)

"I believe in an open mind, but not so open that the brain falls off." (Nice!)

9) "If I believe it, then I can do it" (Hence, humility is overrated)

And finally:

10) "Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people." (True, but how boring and out of touch would you be trying to be ‘Great’ all the time? The GREATEST mind knows it’s important to be able to discuss all things, depending on the company it’s with)

I hope you enjoyed this thought-provoking blog. By the way, have you noticed how I did not discuss events or people?  In the absence of the variety, I will settle for Great. (Humility is overrated, right?)

For my friends far away whom I have been too slack to properly get in touch with:

1) Sorry. I get caught up in the midst of things where I am and I’m really bad at sending personal e-mails. I hate texting and don’t like long phone conversations. I keep this blog to keep all of you guys updated - I know it’s really impersonal and quite bad, but at least I try. Again, I’m sorry.

2) I am loving my new job and the new job is loving me. I seem to really have a natural "underwriting" gene. Either that or I’m just a geek who likes reading uninteresting crap and overcharging people who have interesting work.

3) I am finding "The Drive" (remember my last post? I took it down - on hindsight, it was rather depressing). The Drive is not present everyday but it’s there most days.

4) My new powerful person inspiration is Warren Buffett. Richard Branson is soooo yesterday!

5) I have quit smoking 5 days a week. (7 days if I don’t spend my weekends with my smoker friends. But what will I do with fresh red lungs without friends?)

6) I now work out again. Still struggling to not hit "Snooze" at 6am to go to the gym - but on most days I manage to drag my ass there and do some decent cardio.

7) I still want to get a tattoo. I also still cannot find the balls to do it. I have the design and everything! A good friend of mine who never even remotely struck me as a tattoo person got a big ass one that looks really cool on his back. I’m still on the process of finding out if it’s real or not. I bet it’s not. I know that just like me, he doesn’t have the balls. Right? (You know who you are).

I soooo love my girls. So happy to be reunited with them. I love the hot fashion and beauty tips I get from Tanz and the thinspiration I get from Jo. We decided that this will be a classy year. No more scandalous, boozed-up nights. PROMISE!

9) In the interest of being classy, we are going to Fiji in October and spending 5 long, hot days sitting in the sun with a cold pina colada in our manicured hands….I can’t wait!!!

10) I can’t believe Paris Hilton is going to jail! Her new BFF will be her prison Momma. This is proof that God is good to us non-skinny, non-wealthy and non-stupid brunettes.

11) I’ve decided that my life would be perfect if I: (a) Lost 10lbs and (b) was at least $1M richer and (c) continue to have everything that I have right now. Therefore, if you take these things into perspective, I’m not doing too bad.  (b) is the only real challenge.

12) Every married woman should own at least one pair of those suspender stocking things (not sure what they’re called - guys, help me out here). They are the best investment you can make in the bedroom. Thanks Jo!

13) We should all buy hybrid cars, reduce our waste and use less energy. Our children will thank us for it. (P.S. Since I do not have any children, I am doing this for all you other folks who do have kids - be nice to me!)

14) I am not superstitious but I don’t want to tempt fate so I made this last entry so my blog won’t end with the number you-know-what.

Bye guys - send me some love!!!!

Look around my friendster friends, or your list of friends for that matter, and you will notice one emerging trend.

Everyone you ever went to school with, your cousins, even the next door neighbors dog has a baby photo proudly plastered all over their profile.

I’ve been married since 2003, been living with my now husband since 2001 whom I’ve dated most of the days since 1996. I get interrogated A LOT by relatives, friends and just plain old nosy people as to why I don’t have a baby yet. I know why I don’t have a kid of my own yet, and though I can’t really understand what that reason is exactly, I doesn’t mean that my reason is not a valid reason.

Nevertheless, it seems that everyone is more worried about my eggs "expiring" more than I am.

I find it’s so crude to be imposing your opinions on other peoples lifestlye and fertility choices and on this day and age, people like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have certainly proven that your eggs are still capable of fertilization past the age of 30. So, BUILD A BRIDGE on that issue now please. I shouldn’t have to defend my personal choices to everyone, especially complete strangers.

I am happy for all my friends who have chosen and/or got surprised to become mothers or fathers - they all seem so happy and proud and good for them. I only wish to be half as great parents as them when my time comes.

We (hubby and I), on the other hand, am quite happy with my status quo and will not be changing it unless it just happens, or till that parenthood calling finally comes to us. Till then, I’m just gonna have to ask my friends to share their babies with me. (Condition: baby must be well fed, diapers dry, and in a good mood!)

But please let me assure everyone that my eggs are just fine thank you very much for your concern. Allow me to humour myself and just share my opinion on this matter: It’s 2007. We are not in the 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50,’s or 60’s anymore. It’s supposed to be ok to take your time and enjoy your marriage first before embarking on the whole new journey of parenthood. Society shouldn’t be so cruel to those of us who choose not to have babies right away. We all have our own timeframes, or goals or whatever reasons - no matter how shallow or selfish it might seem to someone from the outside looking in.

I’ll be posting my baby pictures on friendster when the time comes if only for the sake and opinion of those people who will make "ooohhs and ahhhs" for about 10 seconds. But being that we will be the ones who will dedicate our whole lives to this new being, let us decide when that time will be.

Note: I’ve re-posted this blog - had a problem saving the blog as a draft yesterday so I just posted it for the meantime to keep from losing the whole thing (hence the rather abrupt end to it prior to today’s post). This is the better, gramatically correct version:

I’ve been playing this song on my ipod for days now trying to build my anticipation (although it’s not like I need any help in that department anyway):

"Start spreading the news, I’m leaving today (not today, but on 30 January which is close enough).
I wanna be a part of it, New York, New York.
These vagabond shoes, are longing to stray
Right through the very heart of it, New York, New York…
I want to wake up in the city that never sleeps…"

Oh boy, I’m SOOOOOO excited!!!! I will finally get to see the Big Apple. It’s been my lifelong dream to experience the big city, to walk on times square, to see the set of Sex and the City, and experience all things New York (except getting robbed, of course).

During my travels, there  were places that met my high expectations, or even exceeded them, but then there were also places where the travel was good, but the anticipation bubble was too big for what I had experienced.

Would New York exceed my expectations or would it be one of those places that you say "Yeah, it was good but just ok…"?

I don’t know about you , but I have never heard anyone describe a trip to New York as "OK". So I’m keeping my hopes really high because I’m sure that if there were a city that would not disappoint, it would be NYC.

After NYC, I’m flying out to San Jose to be met by my Ninang for the first time in 7 years. Other places on the itinerary are LA, Las Vegas, San Francisco and Texas.

I must admit that in spite of all my moaning for Auckland, I really do love to travel!

This may be my last post from Toronto - and most likely the next one will be from the City of Sails (AUCKLAND!!!). Sure, I’m excited about coming home too, but for now, its all about my first bite off The Big Apple - no dental floss required.

What the hell was I thinking?

That I would come to Toronto and find Auckland here?

Of course not. I imagined that Toronto would be a bigger version of Auckland -
with better shopping and cheaper airfares to Europe and Cuba. The latter is
true, the former, not so.

Have you ever experienced being in a relationship with someone for a really
long time that it came to a point that you grew weary and broke up? Then, when
you are all alone with your newfound freedom, free to pursue anyone you want or
do anything you want, you just end up reaching for the phone to call that same
person you thought you were tired of. You then realize that you were
"weary" not of that person but the fact that there were no more
surprises, and everything was just so…..stable.

I have experienced this with the man I married. We both had to tell each other
to fuck off before we realized that we were simply entering that "No
Dramas" phase of the relationship. Recently, I found out that this phase also applies to hobbies, careers
and even places.

In Auckland, I was entering that stage where the challenge was over, and it was
time to settle down. Somewhere in my subconscious, the commitment-phoebe in me
instinctively just ran.

We are all Drama Queens. We want the drama. We need the drama. We feel
validated by the drama. Funny thing is that unless you enjoy a dysfunctional
relationship, you will eventually have to learn to accept “No Dramas”.

Don’t be fooled by the name. Being in "No Dramas" is tough. The
shallow excuses are gone, the gloves are off and there is nothing to fight
about – and boy, it gets dull real fast.

During “No Dramas” the ego addict cheats. The
commitment-phoebe leaves. And those who are smart stay. You see, somehow, the
real challenge is here: How do you make the dullness worth your while? Better
yet, how do you make it not dull, day in, day out without all the nastiness
that comes with the drama and accept that "No Dramas" though dull and
boring could be light and fun.

I made this mistake twice in my life. First with Eddie, and second with
Auckland.

By some stroke of dumb luck, Eddie and I managed find each other again and I am
happy to report that we are still "No Dramas" and couldn’t be
happier.

I am moving back to Auckland and back to the industry that I so vehemently
cursed. As with my man, I somehow managed not to completely strike out with
Auckland and my career and I’m actually really excited to be back. I didn’t
know it, but somewhere between the flight to Toronto and making sandwiches at
Subway, I found out that I was in love. I loved Auckland. I loved the industry
I was in and loved where my career was going and who I was becoming.

If I hadn’t been so lucky where would I be?

I know…my life will be filled with dramas. I’d be in the exciting hell rather
than the boring paradise I now know so well. And don’t you forget: No matter
what you say, paradise is still paradise.

In spite of all the complaining and bitching I do, I find it hard to believe that I am not happy about doing this adventure. After all, during the past 4 months I have realized a lot of things about myself and my life and I decided to take the time to write it all down if only to make myself remember:

… that you never really, really know that you had everything you wanted till you decided to want more and found out that "more" is just so overrated. (this is my version of "you never know what you had till it’s gone" coz that is just so cliche).

… that time and money must always go hand in hand because having one without the other makes the one that you do have useless. If you were to chose between time or money you should chose time because if you have all the time in the world, you may find that time can generate money but no amount of money will buy back the days you’ve lost while trying to make more money. At the same time, having too much time without any money will drive you nuts thinking of all the stuff that you want but can’t have. Its seems the difference between having money without time and time without money is death by a slow disease that leaves you old and dry and death by dementia unassisted by Prozac.

… that love is not the flutter in your stomach, the excitement of the kissing, touching or even (gasp!) sex. Rather, it is made up of these components: trust, loyalty, commitment and above all, friendship. Of course, if you add great sex to all of this, then you’ve got yourself something fantastic.

… that you must have people skills no matter what you do. Your success depends 50% on your hard work, drive and ability and 50% on the people who will help get you there.

… that difficult situations have a way of making you realize your shortcomings but also, if you look hard enough, it also makes you realize your strengths. Just because the strengths are not as easy to see doesn’t mean they’re not there.

… that friendship, love and good times are the things that make you truly happy. (Yes, I know that sound so cliche but its so true!) Now, I’m not saying that the latest LV handbag won’t make me happy, but I won’t be as happy having it without my friends to admire it, my husband to give it to me or no place to show it off.

… that the quality of your life is not necessarily reflected by the health of your bank account.

… that it is always better to be the queen of your small castle than a slave at a big one - even if your dad was the king.

Hope I managed to not sound so bitter on this blog coz I tried really, really hard. I forgot to mention that I also learned this:

… that faking optimism is much better than accepting pessimism.

Fuck, I feel so stupid.

It’s a whole new world - a bigger world where I don’t even know where to shop for panty liners. Can you imagine how scary that is?

Canada’s roads are bigger, but not better than New Zealands. The drivers have bigger cars, but the drivers themselves are not as corteous or disciplined as the Kiwis. The expressways can be described in just 2 words: big and dangerous. To make matters worst, for a stupid tourist like yours truly, not knowing whether your exit is 400 North or 400 East could be fatal. I say fatal because the wrong exit could lead you to a town in the middle of nowhere - about this time, I start thinking of scenes for that movie "Alive" and I give Eddie permission to eat the fats of my mid section to save him from dying of hunger.

The job is challenging. Actually, the job per se will take me about 3 months to master. Its the other aspects that are challenging. Like, how to get people to do what I want without firing them or having them quit on me. You all know how obsessive I can get sometimes and often I come across as a complete bitch when I’m being obsessive. I don’t mean to, but I just can’t help it. Ugh!!!! I start  managing officially on Monday and at the top of my list is a general store cleaning and re-organisation. I can already see the looks on my employees faces when I tell them what I have in store for them. I just hope they give me a chance because I know that they could have someone worse.

I don’t know what the name of the power company is, or where the nice restaurants are. I don’t know what I’m getting when the milk carton says 1% - partly skimmed milk. Is it 1% skimmed 99% full fat or 99% skimmed and 1% full fat? Having everything translated in french was a novelty that lasted for about 2 weeks because now, when you pick something up, you have to turn it around till you find the english version of whatever it is you want to read.

No one says "Good day, mate!" or "cheers mate!" or "sweet ass" or "rubbish bin" anymore.

There are more choices for shopping located in big strip malls  but somehow I miss the quaint little shops by the Chancery where the people are fit, gorgeous and even though deprived of shopping choices, seem more fashionable than those you see in the malls here.

Its October but its getting colder outside. Last October, I was packing my scarves and coats away and planing a trip to the beach with the gang. Worst of all, I’m getting quite freaked out about what to wear because everytime a local asks me if I have ever been around for winter in Canada and I say no, they either smirk, laugh or say something like "Well, you are in for a treat…" dripping in sarcasam.

Honey, something tells me that I’m not in Auckland anymore. At least Dorothy had those red slippers.

Hi boys and girls!

I’m posting this from the town of Woodbridge, Toronto where I have
arrived on September 11. I’ve got a lot to thank the Lord for during
the past month or so since I have started my adventure and at the top
of the list is making it here without an explosion mid-air.

Yes, I am now in Toronto which means I have skipped my trip to USA to a latter date. There are a few reasons why we did this:
- We got spooked by the London/USA liquid bomb terror plots
- Its was so damn expensive buying flights from Phils
- Family issues in the USA
- To be able to save more money to shop in US

It’s been a really long time since I’ve posted anything due to
obvious reasons and although I still intend to do a proper post on my
official blog (http://becomingagoddess@blogspot.com) I feel that I
quick update is in order. So, in a David Letterman stlye, I give you
the top 10 moments of my travels:

10) Being able to afford a 2 hour massage at least once a week, a
facial 2 times in a month, a hair cut and colour with a top stlylist
and a treatment appointment at the Kerastase Institute. Not to mention
the 2 times I went in for a manicure and foot spa. Girls, eat your
heart out. I absolutely love these things and every single peso was
worth it. Manila seems to be turning into a haven for spa and beauty
treatments and tourists and locals alike are embracing this. I will try
to forget how much I have pampered myself because it’s not something a
girl who will be living in Canada should get used to!!! *Sigh*

9) Meeting new and old friends. It was good to hang out with our old
friends Karel and Yosha again along with meeting up with some other
high school friends. Karels bro Martin got married to the gorgeous
Barbie Almalbis who invited us to one of her gigs. The ever talented
Karel also invited us to one of his gigs and I thouroughly enjoyed
hanging out with a bunch of talented artists who can rock the house
down. (or in Martin’s case, paint the town red - watercolour on canvas
please!)

Being a tourist in my home country. It was fun coming back and
immersing myself in the culture again. We acted like such dorks and
didn’t give a damn what anyone else was thinking. Cebu and Davao was
fantastic and the local food from lechon de leche to fishball de canto
was a degustation adventure I loved!

7) Shopping! Cheap Shopping! Enough said.

6) Taking a boat ride in Brunie. It was such a cheap adventure that
left the Shotover jet for chickens. Picture this: a local who thinks
he’s James Bond, a small pump boat made of old, rotting wood attached
to a fast engine, no life jackets, and two screaming tourists. It was
fantastic!!!

5) Alvaro. Eddies nephew was so cute he made me consider having one just like him. The moment is now gone.

4) The beach!!!! I am such a sucker for the sun in my eye and the sand up my ass. I got a great golden tan to show for it and went snorkelling in warm, tropical waters.  Its been so long since I did this and I literally got a natural high hitting the calm waves of Davao and Cebu.

3) Visiting Niagara falls for the second time in my life with my 2 most loved men in the world. It was just as I had imagined, and just as spectacular the second time around.

2) Visiting Australia Zoo before Steve Irwin passed. I would have been so depressed during the trip if it had happened the other way around. Being at Australia Zoo, you’ll see how much love and dedication has been put into the place that you find its cause admirable and inspiring.  He is such a tremendous person who dedicated his own life to the preservations of other forms of life. He has led such a beautiful existence in my belief and tough he is extinct - a lot of other wildlife would live longer thanks to his legacy.

1) NO WORK!!!!! Hahahahahahahaha!!! Nothing could be better than that!!!!!

So guys, I promise that as soon as I have the time I will post some photos and what not. I’m already working for my dad and learning a great deal of things about the business and the country. I miss New Zealand so much… and would like to do a shout out to my favourite girls; Tanz, Jo, Jacqs and Nina. Miss you guys, keep in touch!!!

I rang her to tell her I lover her and to wish her a happy journey. By the time I had replaced the phone receiver, I was sobbing. It’s stupid because I will see her again in about 2 months, but, after a final month with her in the U.S. in September, for the first time, we will be separated by more than just a few kilometres away - permanently.

I haven’t been the greatest daughter. Even when we lived in the same city, I don’t always visit her, or call her for that matter. But I need her. I need to know she is close, and I’m finding it very difficult to deal with the fact that she won’t be as close anymore. Her presence is a different experience in itself, and at 25, I still curl up in a ball and lay in her lap every chance I get. I miss her tremendously and she hasn’t even been gone for a day.

Mama, this is for you…

In her arms

In her arms the world turns just a little slower

Her scents remind me of another place I call home

When I’m with her the world is just a little better

As I feel the greatest love I’ve known shining from her eyes.

With her words the moon beams a little brighter

The nights are serene and endless in her arms

The constellations I’ve named after her are just a little closer

Her voice fills me with a calm that renders my breath to the night.

Her presence makes my life just a little fuller

For how could I want more knowing that I have her

Her blind faith in me makes me just a little stronger

She gives me all that I need when she strokes my hair, in her arms.

For all she is, all the beauty in her, I am just a little wiser

I am what I am because of her, yet, still a child in her arms

And there are times that I wish I was a child just a little longer

So I could stay there where I will always belong, in my mothers arms.

You caught my eye.

It followed your movements

Swift, strong, powerful.

Your skin was bronzed

Your lips were full

Your eyes were like the sky

and with this you caught my eye.

You teased my mind.

It pondered in your beauty

Thinking, sensing, revealing.

Your wit was sharp

Your laugh was effervescent

Your humor was kind

and with this you teased my mind.

You stole my heart.

Taken completely by your fullness and youth

Melting, yielding, coveting.

I needed you and pursued you

I ached for you and seduced you

I loved you and had you whole

and with this I stole your soul.