The Vagabond Diaries

What the hell was I thinking?

That I would come to Toronto and find Auckland here?

Of course not. I imagined that Toronto would be a bigger version of Auckland -
with better shopping and cheaper airfares to Europe and Cuba. The latter is
true, the former, not so.

Have you ever experienced being in a relationship with someone for a really
long time that it came to a point that you grew weary and broke up? Then, when
you are all alone with your newfound freedom, free to pursue anyone you want or
do anything you want, you just end up reaching for the phone to call that same
person you thought you were tired of. You then realize that you were
"weary" not of that person but the fact that there were no more
surprises, and everything was just so…..stable.

I have experienced this with the man I married. We both had to tell each other
to fuck off before we realized that we were simply entering that "No
Dramas" phase of the relationship. Recently, I found out that this phase also applies to hobbies, careers
and even places.

In Auckland, I was entering that stage where the challenge was over, and it was
time to settle down. Somewhere in my subconscious, the commitment-phoebe in me
instinctively just ran.

We are all Drama Queens. We want the drama. We need the drama. We feel
validated by the drama. Funny thing is that unless you enjoy a dysfunctional
relationship, you will eventually have to learn to accept “No Dramas”.

Don’t be fooled by the name. Being in "No Dramas" is tough. The
shallow excuses are gone, the gloves are off and there is nothing to fight
about – and boy, it gets dull real fast.

During “No Dramas” the ego addict cheats. The
commitment-phoebe leaves. And those who are smart stay. You see, somehow, the
real challenge is here: How do you make the dullness worth your while? Better
yet, how do you make it not dull, day in, day out without all the nastiness
that comes with the drama and accept that "No Dramas" though dull and
boring could be light and fun.

I made this mistake twice in my life. First with Eddie, and second with
Auckland.

By some stroke of dumb luck, Eddie and I managed find each other again and I am
happy to report that we are still "No Dramas" and couldn’t be
happier.

I am moving back to Auckland and back to the industry that I so vehemently
cursed. As with my man, I somehow managed not to completely strike out with
Auckland and my career and I’m actually really excited to be back. I didn’t
know it, but somewhere between the flight to Toronto and making sandwiches at
Subway, I found out that I was in love. I loved Auckland. I loved the industry
I was in and loved where my career was going and who I was becoming.

If I hadn’t been so lucky where would I be?

I know…my life will be filled with dramas. I’d be in the exciting hell rather
than the boring paradise I now know so well. And don’t you forget: No matter
what you say, paradise is still paradise.

This entry was posted on Monday, January 22nd, 2007 at 11:56 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.